Books (and sometimes Internet) Comes to the Forest
by cuddlydemonicrabbits
Summary: And the craziness continues! Now instead of TV shows, the cats are making fun of books! And certain things on the internet when the author can't think of any books! Join in on the breaking-the-fourth-wall fun! {Side note: There are cats from The New Prophecy and newer living with the characters from the original series because...PLOT HOLES!}
1. Chapter 1

Books Come to the Forest

Hello, there. Yes, a simple greeting but we don't know each other. I am known by many names, such as Cuddles, Sunshine, and Rainbow. But you may refer to me as…Rainbow. Alright? Look, I like that name and anyone who is named that so…deal with it. It is best to picture me with a British Accent. Why? Because we're talking about books, alright? It is also best to picture me sitting in a red chair next to a fire place with a disturbing painting hanging above it. You know, the paintings who have eyes that follow you—

I'm getting of topic. Sorry. I'm here to fill you in on details, transitions between chapters, horrible stories about how I was slapped by that turtle, and commentary

-Rainbow

Reading is for the Insane!

"Is has come to my attention that a lot of people say that TV is rotting the minds of young children." Bluestar was currently standing on top of a large hamburger that Brightheart was responsible for. The rest of the clan was gathered around, listening intently. "And by 'a lot of people', I actually mean the queens here." She gestured towards the nursery where the she-cats stood, holding picket signs, which said things such as "TV is EVIL", "Our Child's Minds Are Sacred!" and "The Screen of Death".

"Don't you think you're going a little too far?" Longtail flattened his ears as he watched the she-cats protesting.

"Nonsense!"

Bluestar growled softly, then decided to ignore the cats for a moment. "Okay. So, there is another matter that I must attend to. StarClan has granted me the power to speak and berate the author of this, which also counts as me breaking the fourth wall, which I enjoy doing. Anyway, SINCE THE AUTHOR DECIDES TO DO WHATEVER SHE WANTS, Firestar is now the assistant leader of ThunderClan."

The clan remained silent, looking around at each other with shock and confusion on their faces.

"What author?" Millie asked loudly.

One of the cats turned to her, growling. "Who the H are you?"

"Millie. I'm dating Graystripe."

"When did that happen?!"

Bluestar raised her head towards the sky. "SINCE THE AUTHOR HAS INCLUDED SO MANY PLOT HOLES INTO THIS STORY, we must all go with whatever is happening. Such as the fact that Tigerclaw is still here in this clan DESPITE MANY ACTIONS THAT HAVE TAKEN PLACE!"

Graystripe shrugged, then turned towards the direction of Millie's voice. "Do you enjoy the sounds of Rihanna?!".

"What is that?"

There was a silence. "You suck."

"Why am I leader again? Don't I have to be a deputy and before that can happen I have to at least-"

"I wanna be the leader!" Sandstorm wailed. "First rule: we are all sleeping under the stars tonight! No more dens!"

"BLAME THE AUTHOR WHO HAS SO MANY PLOT HOLES THAT IT IS DISGUSTING!" Bluestar once again shouted harshly at the author…who was just focused on confusing the readers, trying to rush through this introductory chapter because it was 5:00 in the morning, and ignoring everything else because she can…

Suddenly, the cats started muttering in anger to one another.

"Why does the kittypet get to be the leader?!"

"Tigerclaw! That is offensive to me, and I would deeply appreciate it if I am not called that again!" Fireheart spat from the rock he was now standing on.

"Come over here and say it to my face!"

"Jackass!"

Tigerclaw looked around, hissing loudly. "Who said that?!" He demanded.

Graystripe giggled quietly as he debated whether or not he should call the evil cat the name again.

"Don't we only get new leaders if the old one dies?! Holy fig, are you a ghost?!" An apprentice screamed in horror!

"That is an excellent song by Chelsea Lankes! I illegally downloaded it!" Graystripe laughed, then screamed loudly.

"AUTHOR, YOU MORON! YOU HAVE FAILED IN MULTIPLE WAYS! HOW LONG ARE YOU GOING TO CONTINUE WITH THIS NIGHTMARE OF A STORY?!" At this point, Bluestar was jumping up and down, trying to control some of her anger. She briefly glanced down at the war that was quickly beginning below her. "WELL?! COME ON THEN!"

"First of all, you have gotten off topic of what you were originally supposed to say, Bluestar. That's not my fault, that's yours. Second, this chapter has gone on long enough. Third, I am rushing through this because it is now 5:30 in the morning. Fourth, in all the time that it is taking for me to explain all this, you should have told everyone that you're not doing TV shows anymore and is instead working on books. Why? Because you're tired of the constant death threats by the queens saying that TV is evil and so on and so on."

Bluestar continued to look at the clouds in silence, along with the rest of the clan members. "Um…alright then." Slowly, she looked towards the crowd. "How many of you know what a book is?"

When no one raised their hand, Bluestar growled loudly. "Oh, come on! How have you never heard of a book before?!"

"I've heard of one." Fireheart announced quietly. "I just can't read it because…well, cats can't read."

"I thought that was dogs who couldn't read?" Sandstorm shouted up to her mate.

"DAMN YOU, AUTHOR!"

"I have a name."

"Well then what is it?!"

"You will call me Rainbow."

"DAMN YOU, RAINBOW!"

"Bottom line," Rainbow ( **me** ) told the others. "You will all do exactly what you did what the TV shows, except for books. Also, on that note: books are sheets of paper in them that tell about fictional or non-fictional events. There are long books, which are called novels. There are short books, which are called…short books. Books can be about anything: animals, people, apocalyptic wastelands, alternate universes, fat men. There are categories that books can fall into: adventure, humor, romance, fantasy, science fiction, etc. Some books can teach you things like how to paint, make origami, make food, fix cars, build things, etc. Graystripe, I see what you're doing."

Graystripe looked around, then slowly lowered the bat that was over Tigerclaw's head.

"Alright, then. This seems like it will be very educational." One of the queens nodded her head in satisfaction.

"Yeah…it won't. Also like how you did with the TV shows, you'll just make fun of stories. The only rule that I have is to not do any Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White and the Seven Dwarves or—"

"What about Cartoons?!"

"We are not morphing cartoons into this. Cartoons would be under TV. This is strictly for Books and Books only."

"What about Internet?!"

"Darn it, Bluestar. WHAT PART OF—" Rainbow stopped for a moment. "Yes, fine, I don't care. Internet and Books. Just…let me go to sleep so I can sort this out."

The leader nodded slowly as she looked at Fireheart. "We still need to sort this out." She pointed to herself, then Fireheart, then to herself again.

"What the hell just happened?" Sandstorm cried.

"I don't know."

 **Um...I...really don't know what I just wrote. I just kept typing and it lead to...this. Sorry if I've confused you. Sorry if you don't understand the references about when the cats acted out TV shows., that's from another story...which isn't finished. I'm tired. It's 6:00 in the morning. Um...good night/good morning.**


	2. Di insert cat noise here Gent (pt 1)

**Note: Hello! I know I probably confused you with the last chapter and I'm really sorry about that if I did. I was tired and rushing through it, so sorry if it seemed stupid. And because there's something wrong with me, I'll probably be breaking the fourth wall…a lot. Here's an actual chapter.**

"Dovewing! Dovewing!" Firestar shouted over the sleeping young cat. He then proceeded to poke the gray one in the back repeatedly until she gave a loud whine.

"What?" She replied, her voice heavy from sleep.

"We're having a clan meeting."

"Oh, okay." She frowned suddenly. "Hey, are you the leader now or…"

"I am the assistant leader, Sandstorm is the co-assistant leader, Graystripe is the assistant co-assistant leader, and Lionblaze is the head deputy to the assistant co-assistant leader." Firestar explained quickly, the bounded out of the den, leaving Dovewing alone once more.

"Wait, what?!"

"Dovewing, so nice of you to join us!" Bluestar said with a small smile. "We were just going over a few things., such as the new hierarchy order of the leaders. Sandstorm is still the co-assistant leader, but now Squirrelflight is the co-co assistant leader, as well as Leafpool. Also, we have multiple medicine cats now. Also, I'm going to ask a series of questions to decide who will go into the alternate universe of the…books…things. Look, I'm tired." The leader spat. She then walked over to a large wheel that listed names of websites and books. "First question: who thinks that raw turkeys look funny?" Bluestar looked around, keeping one hand on the wheel.

Dovewing giggled to herself as she pictured the undercooked bird.

"Dovewing, you've failed." Bluestar said flatly. Immediately, she spun the wheel with her tail, giving a disappointed mew.

"You…you're joking about all this, right?" Dovewing chuckled uncomfortably as she watched the wheel spin. She glanced over at the cats surrounding her who all looked as if they understood what was going on. "Ivypool, what's going on?" The cat quickly became worried as to what her leader was doing.

"I don't know; I just woke up!"

"Not helpful!"

Bluestar continued to watch the wheel spin as she moved her head in a circular motion. "Ah, how exciting."

"Well, I'm not an idiot, so I'm about to go." Slowly, Dovewing crept away from the others, casting back glances towards the entrance. Once she was sure that it was safe, she would make a run for it. Maybe RiverClan could help talk some sense into Bluestar. Or WindClan. Not ShadowClan because they're mean. Dovewing was a few feet away from everyone, then turned and ran, whimpering quietly. "Gotta escape this madhouse!"

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a rather large cat attacked the gray she-cat. Screaming loudly, Dovewing attempted to break free of her attacker's grasp as she kicked them repeatedly in the stomach. She really wanted to rake her claws down his sides, but the attacker had pinned her arms down and was currently pinning down her legs.

"Oh, no. That would be a very naughty and stupid thing to do, young Dovewing." He chuckled softly, dragging the screaming Dovewing back to the others.

Bluestar was in the middle of staring at the slowing wheel, then noticed the large male cat with the smaller she-cat behind him. "Damn you, Redtail." Bluestar dead-panned.

"Tigerclaw." Redtail held up two fingers, pointed them towards his eyes, then at Tigerclaw before yowling. "I hope you get chosen to go to the alternate book universe. Since I'm dead, I know most, not ALL, but most things that are about to happen. Such as how Dovewing and Ivypool are about to be tortured emotionally and physically."

Ivypool nodded absent mindedly, then snapped back to reality. "Wait, what?!"

Graystripe gasped and clapped loudly as he saw what the wheel had landed on. "YES! _Inception_! We're about to go into each other's dreams and kill people like Jason! Then we're going to go into outer space! This is freaking awesome!"

"You fool." Bluestar meowed darkly. "One: It landed on _Divergent_. Two: Inception isn't about Jason going into people's dreams and killing them. Three: Jason doesn't do that; that's that man with the sweater and the horrible skin condition. Four: that's Interstellar that has to do with space! Five: _Inception_ is a movie! It might be a book, but I wouldn't know because I don't get out and my Goggle isn't working! You fool. You know what, just for that, you're being sent to Divergent land!" The cat waved slowly with an annoyed look on her face.

"Ah, I see." Graystripe nodded slowly. "Is that the book where those men eat each other on that island."

"Get out of my sight. You're all banished to the otherworldly dimension." Bluestar turned back to her den, walking quickly. "Don't pick that faction where they mind-rape you with your own fears over and over. I don't want cats coming back here traumatized. Pick the one where you get to be homeless because I really want to know how it's like to be homeless."

"Why the hell do I have to go?!" Tigerclaw demanded, stomping his foot.

"No!" The leader screamed.

"So…how are we going to get there?" Ivypool said as she stared at her sister, who's screams were muffled by Redtail.

Because Rainbow is angry at how long this has taken, she magically transports everyone to the other dimension. Rainbow is angry not only at herself, but at her internet connection. Rainbow would also like to state that she is about to butcher the entire first book of the series. Anyway…

The large clan was now inside of a dark ally, some looking around with curiosity, confusion, and divine anger that if it could be manifested into a living form would destroy entire cities and kill thousands of people.

Brambleclaw looked around at the people walking by, then gave a terrified whimper. "Where is the color purple?! Or neon blue! Oh, how I love those colors!"

Squirrelflight stood over her mate, then gave a small mew, then began to lay down on the dirty streets. "Well, I'm going to take a long….long…long nap. Good night, father. Good night, mother. Good night children who I may or may not have."

Jayfeather growled as Lionblaze and Hollyleaf looked at each other slowly.

"Let's go follow those people going into the building." Fireheart (star) suggested. Currently a large group of twolegs were walking towards it.

"No."

"Who made you leader?!" Tigerclaw retorted. He glanced behind him as a man with a beard looked up at him. "Yes?! Can I help you?!"

The man shook his head quickly before going back to sleep.

"YAY! I FREAKING LOVE HOMELESS PEOPLE!" The excited Graystripe danced, clapping with a rhythm. He continued to do so until Leafpool placed her tail gently on his back, momentarily stopping him.

"They prefer to be called 'Hobo'." She said gently.

"Wouldn't it be hoboes?"

"No…I don't think so. It's like how you call one deer, deer as well as a group of deer. Example," Leafpool pointed over to the man with the beard. "That is one sad hobo because everyone passing by him are being mean and making faces. Also, where the heck did Bluestar send us again?"

"'Hunger Games'?" Lionblaze shrugged.

Tigerclaw laughed wickedly, turning his backs from the others. "Oh, how wonderful that would be. I'd take them all out, including that insufferable kittypet." But he gave a soft sigh, as he knew that Lionblaze wasn't true. "No, they sent us to Divergent-land…where maybe I can kill someone here." He added darkly.

"I don't feel like walking." Mousefur gave a loud yawn, joining Squirrelflight and the Hobo for an afternoon nap."

Rainbow sighed, then transitioned to the building where the ceremony was taking place. The ceremony that none of the clan cats would understand because…well…you wouldn't understand, either. So get off my case.

"Thank you." Mousefur gave a drowsy thanks as some of the cats found seats, while the others stood in front of five white bowls.

Graystripe walked over to the first. "Ah, let's see. Water. Delicious." He immediately took a long drink before going over to the next on. "Dirt. Yep, I love me some dirt." He picked up the bowl and flung the dirt towards Lionblaze, earning him a slap across the face. "Glass…that's dangerous. I'm just gonna…get rid of that." Graystripe tossed the bowl over the cats' heads. "Boring gray stones…no one likes you, you suck." The tom spat at the bowl and walked over to the final one. "Flaming hot black coals." This caused Graystripe to gag.

"What?"

"Oh, nothing. I was just thinking of the mutilated bodies of the poor children who would be injured if they placed their hand on the burning coal or that glass I just threw over there. They'd get infected if they were to rub their bleeding hands in that dirty dirt over there. The water is gone so they couldn't clean up. The stones serve no purpose. They suck and I hope whoever touches them DIES!"

Everyone remained speechless. "That's uncalled for, Graystripe." Hollyleaf scolded the older cat, then muttered to herself. "There appears to be people wearing different uniforms spilling into the building. Ah," she added calmly. "Now they are staring at us. Author, now what?"

Rainbow shrugged. "Let them be. They won't hurt you. Everyone's either 16 or…older. A large gathering of cats is the last thing on their mind. Also, you just wrecked their ceremony."

"THERE'S A F*****G KNIFE ON THE TABLE! WHO THE F*** IS OVER THIS S***?! WHAT KIND OF SICK SADISTIC F****** B*****D THINKS THIS IS A GOOD IDEA?! WHAT THE F*** IS THE KNIFE FOR?!" Graystripe sobbed, waving the knife in Fireheart's annoyed face.

Rainbow replied, "That's the knife that the poor 16 year olds use to cut their hands. Then they place their hand over one of the bowls…which are destroyed; you're going to have to fix that…and the blood will drip from their hand into the bowl, signifying their new faction. This…this whole thing…ceremony…is kind of messed up in a way because they have to go to this new place, leave their families, and start a new life and go by their new rules. This…this entire book is screwed up in many ways…very…evil."

"F it." Brightheart threw her hands up as she walked towards the door. "I'm…not cutting myself for—WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM?! SOME F****** EMO?! GOD, WHY?!"

Rainbow, who was watching the cats scream in protest, skipped to the part where they had to choose…after fixing the bowls first because she didn't like the looks that she was receiving from the people.

Fireheart stood over the bowls, scratching his head as he held a stick tightly into his hand. Since Rainbow was compassionate towards the cats, she gave them each a stick that they would use to poke the bowl instead of cutting their paws. "'Candor'"?

Rainbow explained and gave him the Cliff Notes version of the faction: Everyone there wears black and white and they only tell the truth. When you join, you are given a truth serum."

Rainbow then saw the sad look on his face. "Yes, I know. It's horrible. I wouldn't pick it. Pick the bowl with the dirt. They're happy and loving and farm and peaceful. They probably sing and dance and draw all day. And if you're bad, they give you a peace serum that makes you all happy."

Fireheart choose the bowl with the dirt, then padded towards the section of people wearing yellow, orange, and red clothing.

Graystripe looked at the bowl with water inside of it. "Oh, Rainbow. What is this?"

"Choose that one…if you enjoy doing work all day and most likely being judged if you're not smart. Pick the bowl with the dirt."

"Well…I do hate being judged." Happily, Graystripe joined Fireheart in the Amity section.

"Tigerclaw…I suggest you choose the bowl with the coals if you like hitting people because in that faction, they beat the living hell out of all the other people that join! And they're allowed! And there's a dangerous chasm that people fall into and die! You'd think that they'd fix that or cover it up, but—nope! They just constantly let it there, knowing that people could fall inside and die! And if you like being reminded that you need to be brave, you're in luck! That's all you'll freaking hear! Oh, and as a bonus—they go inside of your mind and force you to live your worst fears! How absolutely horrible! Pick the dirt!" Rainbow said joyfully. The look on Tigerclaw's face was priceless as his pupils dilated. "Well I'm gone." Soon Tigerclaw joined the others.

Now it was Leafpool's turn. She cocked her head at the gray stones.

"Do you like eating whatever you want?! Rainbow said with excitement in her voice. As Leafpool nodded, Rainbow continued. "Do you like playing games, talking to your friends, dancing, being colorful?!"

"Why, yes I do!"

"Then don't pick this one! Your wardrobe will be reduced to a dull gray! Your diet will be changed dramatically to large carrots, vegetable soup, and water! Say goodbye to your free-time because every single moment of your life will be devoted to helping people. Yes, I know helping people is very nice and there's nothing wrong with that…it's just that I wouldn't want to do it all the time. You won't be allowed to use mirrors anymore! Your fur will be in a constant bun! Pick the dirt!"

Leafpool walked towards the bowl of dirt, then stopped. "Hey, what if I want to be Divergent?"

"Just go back in time to the very moment that Veronica Roth came up with the idea for this and convince her to make you the main character. But I must warn you, you must live in constant fear of being discovered because if you are, you'll die!"

"I thought the future was supposed to be more tolerant!" Leafpool cried towards the ceiling.

"Yeah…I thought so to."

Without thinking, Leafpool chose Amity…as well as Sandstorm, Lionblaze, Jayfeather, Hollyleaf, Mousefur, Longtail, Squirrelflight, Ashfur…and the rest of the cats. Oh, but sadly…

"Um, guys?" Rainbow interrupted the contented chatter of the clan cats. "Since Bluestar ordered me to do so, some of you have to go to the gray place, truth-telling place, judgmental place, and the Hey-lets-beat-the-hell-out-of-that-person place."

"Okay," Graystripe, walked towards the door. "I'll be homeless."

"That's not really an option." Rainbow began.

"Why not?"

"I think you have to choose a place, go there, then decide not to follow the rules to get turned into a hobo. Also, they're called factionless, but I'm going to keep calling them hobo."

"Won't that waste time?! Isn't there a faster way?!"

"Look, I don't know! If there was something talking about choosing that, I must have skipped over it."

Dovewing slowly glanced over towards the door, ready to plan her escape.

"I'll choose the coal place as long as Tigerclaw joins me." Retail's hand shot up. "I have a bone to pick with him. And after I pick that bone, I'm gonna shove it down his throat!"

Tigerclaw gulped, backing away from the ghost of Redtail inched closer to him, laughing crazily.

Rainbow growled softly. She immediately transitioned to Amity, where she dropped off Fireheart, Jayfeather, Sandstorm, Hollyleaf, and Mousefur. She then went to Candor, where she dropped off Longtail, Ivypool, Leafpool and Squirrelflight. Next she went to Abnegation, where she dropped off…no one. Then she went to Erudite, where she dropped off Ashfur, Cloudtail, Spottedleaf and Daisy. Finally she was at Dauntless, where she dropped of Graystripe, Lionblaze, Millie, Tigerclaw, ghost of Redtail, Brightheart, Cinderpelt and Whitestorm.


	3. Diabetic Author Note

No...I haven't forgotten about this story. I'm not going to update right now but I will in the future (like...before June or in June). I haven't thought of any other ideas yet. The reason I'm writing this is because I'll see a story and notice that they haven't updated in over a few months and I think that maybe they've stopped (which I know isn't the case all the time, but still...)

I apologize if you thought this was a chapter update. There are, like, three other stories that I haven't updated in a while.

Here's a wolf...I didn't make this. (This is probably going to be formatted wrong and you probably won't even be able to tell this is a wolf)

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